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flipper 
Square Leg 
Joined: 27 August 2005 Location: England Online Status: Offline Posts: 488 |
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 Topic: Cricket JokesPosted: 11 February 2011 at 3:57pm |
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A team was short by one player and asked one of the player’s mates to fill in on the weekend. He said ok but i might be a little late. He showed up on Saturday on time and went out and made over 100 in his dig and won them the game batting left handed. Captain was so impressed that asked him if he would play next week. He agreed but said he might be a little late. Captain said no problem if u bat like u did today. Next Saturday came and the new player was there dead on time, captain was happy. The player went out to bat and made another ton this time batting right handed. Captain was amazed. After game the captain asked him how he does it batting both handed. he explained that when he wakes on game day if his wife is sleeping on left side he bats left handed and right handed if she on her right side. Captain asked what happens if she is sleeping on her back. He replied then ill be a little late. Anyone else got any good ones? |
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Warwickshire County Cricket, Edgbaston Birmingham England. County Champions 2012
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spin wizard
Opening Bowler
The world’s next great spinner Joined: 21 January 2006 Location: Saint Vincent Online Status: Offline Posts: 9453 |
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Posted: 12 February 2011 at 5:33pm |
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I think I get the joke he he, but then again, might be something else.
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In troubled times, being philosophical helps a great deal, it helps you to remain sane and not do any further damage.
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zuhair_abbasi
Number 3 Batsman
Joined: 19 December 2006 Location: Pakistan Online Status: Offline Posts: 6202 |
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Posted: 10 March 2011 at 8:11am |
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What do Kamran Akmal and Michael Jackson have in common? They both wear gloves for no reason.
Recent statistics show that Kamran Akmal's mother and sisters are the most talked about women in the country (this one was a text I received few hours after the NZL match) There were many more messages regarding Akmal - the most I have seen about a player - all in just a day's time - of course not all of them can be published here. |
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jaysjay
Square Leg
Joined: 08 March 2006 Location: India Online Status: Offline Posts: 331 |
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Posted: 10 March 2011 at 10:09am |
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this one is not a joke but a real incident or so i read somewhere.
someone asked Sir Don Bradman what his average had been if he was playing at that time, this was somewhere in the decade of 80 or 90. Bradman's answer was it would have been in 70s. the questioner asked if he felt the bowlers then are that better than his time. Bradman's reply was''no but what would one expect when i am in my 80's'' i have read the above joke about Akmal its in Indian newspapers too,is it true that people have been threatening his family? Edited by jaysjay - 10 March 2011 at 10:16am |
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for what a man would like to be true,that he more readily believes.
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zuhair_abbasi
Number 3 Batsman
Joined: 19 December 2006 Location: Pakistan Online Status: Offline Posts: 6202 |
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Posted: 10 March 2011 at 10:52am |
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No truth in that - there were just random text messages sent across the country - with his home address - requesting people to send him steel gloves.
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steveyste
Trialist 
Joined: 13 March 2011 Location: United Kingdom Online Status: Offline Posts: 1 |
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Posted: 13 March 2011 at 11:45pm |
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http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NIJtmE4aDfY |
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vote4peace
Square Leg
Joined: 23 February 2011 Location: India Online Status: Offline Posts: 380 |
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Posted: 31 March 2011 at 3:43pm |
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A few good ones in the aftermath of the IND/PAK WC semi-finals...
What they didn’t say but could well have said after the semi-final at Mohali What Shahid Afridi didn't say when asked about dropping Sachin Tendulkar four times…' Sach' is life! What Ravi Shastri didn't say while introducing the Man of the Match… "Only one man conquered this difficult pitch - Sachin Tendulkar, who milked the Pakistani bowling to the tune of 85 runs...'drop' by 'drop'......" What Salman Butt didn't say watching the drops… "Ahh...I stand vindicated...now the whole world can see I'm not the only one who's got greased palms" What the PCB didn't say after the match... We're considering whether Umar's suggestion to have Kamran as the fielding coach for this match was a good idea after all. The Enquiry Committee to sit into this issue will be chaired by Adnan Akmal and will convene in April........2014" What R. Ashwin didn't say after the match… "I think Dhoni is a very intuitive captain and his selections are inspired" What Misbah didn't say to the tour selectors after walking back at the end of the match… "Now do you guys still think I don't deserve a place in the Test squad or what?" What Kamran Akmal didn't say to the Indian Sports Management Company Exec… "Quick ...let's ink that sponsorship deal with Amul(Famous Butter in India) right away...looks like I've got competition in the squad." What Navjot Sidhu didn't say at the post match wrap-up… "As a mark of respect to the Pakistani wounded, I shall now MAINTAIN SILENCE for two minutes" (that was 120 seconds too long for the talkative Sardar!) |
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I distrust a camel.. and anyone else who can go a week without a drink.
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dale.n
Trialist
Joined: 07 April 2011 Location: United Kingdom Online Status: Offline Posts: 2 |
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Posted: 07 April 2011 at 9:51am |
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The two commuters were talking on the train. 'I was going to go to the Test Match on Saturday,' said one, 'but you know how crowded the trains get, then there's the struggle to get in, and there's always the chance it might rain and . . .'
'I know,' said the other. 'I've got to go shopping with the wife, too!' |
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dale.n
Trialist
Joined: 07 April 2011 Location: United Kingdom Online Status: Offline Posts: 2 |
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Posted: 07 April 2011 at 9:52am |
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'I'm proud to say that in thirty years of playing cricket, I've never scored less than twenty five runs and never taken less than three wickets,' said George.
'I wish I could say that,' said Ted. Harry spoke up. 'Well, why don't you? George just did!' |
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vote4peace
Square Leg
Joined: 23 February 2011 Location: India Online Status: Offline Posts: 380 |
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Posted: 25 July 2011 at 10:46am |
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Leading from the front???
The standard of batting in the local side was very low. Even at the net practice, they couldn't hit a thing. Finally, the captain rushed forward and grabbed the bat. "Now bowl me some fast ones," he yelled. Six fast balls came down in quick succession and the captain missed them all. Not to be put off, he glared at the team and shouted, "That's what you're all doing. Now get in there and hit them!" |
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I distrust a camel.. and anyone else who can go a week without a drink.
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sam_ahmed
Middle-Order Batsman
Joined: 27 November 2007 Location: India Online Status: Offline Posts: 4363 |
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Posted: 25 July 2011 at 5:58pm |
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Not a very good one but an interesting one, read this one on my cousins FB page:
If Indian actress Gul Panag marries Pakistani cricketer Umer Gul then will she be called "Gul Gul"? :) |
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God is a better planner... so whenever u'r plan fails, cheer up... God has a better plan for you!
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flipper
Square Leg
Joined: 27 August 2005 Location: England Online Status: Offline Posts: 488 |
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Posted: 25 July 2011 at 11:02pm |
Nice one sam.............Whats his chances! .....is she a babe?
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Warwickshire County Cricket, Edgbaston Birmingham England. County Champions 2012
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sam_ahmed
Middle-Order Batsman
Joined: 27 November 2007 Location: India Online Status: Offline Posts: 4363 |
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Posted: 26 July 2011 at 6:53pm |
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yeah flipper, she is quite beautiful.
 Gul Panag on Google images will do. |
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God is a better planner... so whenever u'r plan fails, cheer up... God has a better plan for you!
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zuhair_abbasi
Number 3 Batsman
Joined: 19 December 2006 Location: Pakistan Online Status: Offline Posts: 6202 |
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Posted: 27 July 2011 at 8:20am |
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Gul is from the Northern areas of Pakistan - and dare he marries this girl or else he won't be allowed to ever enter his birth place.
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sam_ahmed
Middle-Order Batsman
Joined: 27 November 2007 Location: India Online Status: Offline Posts: 4363 |
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Posted: 27 July 2011 at 5:59pm |
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hmmm... that sounds very harsh Zuhair! but honestly Pakistani girls are very pretty so Gul may not have to look as far as India!!!
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God is a better planner... so whenever u'r plan fails, cheer up... God has a better plan for you!
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zuhair_abbasi
Number 3 Batsman
Joined: 19 December 2006 Location: Pakistan Online Status: Offline Posts: 6202 |
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Posted: 28 July 2011 at 6:42am |
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They are absolutely pretty I must say!!! I can see all Indian newspapers going crazy as our new lady foreign minister is touring India - even the PM has taken out time to meet her!!! Talk about women charms!!
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vote4peace
Square Leg
Joined: 23 February 2011 Location: India Online Status: Offline Posts: 380 |
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Posted: 28 July 2011 at 7:22am |
 Haha. Yes Hina Khar is the town talk atm. But I still seriously doubt that there's anything out there that would excite our 80yr old PM, other than finance and numbers. |
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I distrust a camel.. and anyone else who can go a week without a drink.
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spin wizard
Opening Bowler
The world’s next great spinner Joined: 21 January 2006 Location: Saint Vincent Online Status: Offline Posts: 9453 |
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Posted: 30 July 2011 at 7:06am |
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Damn, that Hina Khar is pretty. Zuhair, any possibilities of you hooking me up with her? She looks younger than me and I'm only 21. Mein Pakistani lurkhion pyar karta hun - I don't know if I said that right haha |
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In troubled times, being philosophical helps a great deal, it helps you to remain sane and not do any further damage.
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zuhair_abbasi
Number 3 Batsman
Joined: 19 December 2006 Location: Pakistan Online Status: Offline Posts: 6202 |
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Posted: 30 July 2011 at 8:52am |
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You said it absolutely right mate. She is 34 though!!! And is a daughter of one of the richest guy in town. I did get to meet her last month - in a one-on--one interview that I did for the newspaper I work for. Not sure if I can hook her up with you Spinny - just do the google images!!
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spin wizard
Opening Bowler
The world’s next great spinner Joined: 21 January 2006 Location: Saint Vincent Online Status: Offline Posts: 9453 |
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Posted: 30 July 2011 at 9:19am |
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lol, I guess I will have to stick to my West Indian girls then!
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In troubled times, being philosophical helps a great deal, it helps you to remain sane and not do any further damage.
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sam_ahmed
Middle-Order Batsman
Joined: 27 November 2007 Location: India Online Status: Offline Posts: 4363 |
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Posted: 30 July 2011 at 9:25am |
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yes, she is very beautiful and even my Indian friends were saying "we like this BOMB from Pakistan"
BTW good to have you back spinny, you don't post often these days! |
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God is a better planner... so whenever u'r plan fails, cheer up... God has a better plan for you!
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spin wizard
Opening Bowler
The world’s next great spinner Joined: 21 January 2006 Location: Saint Vincent Online Status: Offline Posts: 9453 |
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Posted: 30 July 2011 at 10:39am |
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Yeah, I know, I hardly post much on the internet these days really. I'm now a cricket gears supplier, along with my main job of being an accountant/auditor. So i'm kept busy with these things, and also being distracted by my beautiful co workers at work. |
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In troubled times, being philosophical helps a great deal, it helps you to remain sane and not do any further damage.
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zuhair_abbasi
Number 3 Batsman
Joined: 19 December 2006 Location: Pakistan Online Status: Offline Posts: 6202 |
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Posted: 30 July 2011 at 10:49am |
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Hope that does not distract the auditing job
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