Friday 4 July 2014 

If Sherlock Holmes Had Been A Cricketer...

Old Father Time - Lord's Cricket Ground
If Sherlock Holmes Had Been A Cricketer...
© REUTERS / Action Images

THE DETECTIVE AS CRICKETER

(or)

WHAT SHERLOCK HAD IN MIND, IF REICHENBACH HADN’T WORKED OUT

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By

S. Subramanian

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“'…If you are clever enough to bring destruction upon me, rest assured that I shall do as much to you.'

‘You have paid me several compliments, Mr. Moriarty,' said I. 'Let me pay you one in return when I say that if I were assured of the former eventuality I would, in the interests of the public, cheerfully accept the latter.’”

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At Lord’s on a sunny, summery day,

The umpire signals start of play

In the match between the Senior Electives

And the team of Bright Young Private Detectives.

It’s Holmes to Moriarty

(A batsman of seniority).

Old Morty’s head begins to sway.

Right and left and every way.

From Holmes we have a lightning bolt

That occasions a huge and frightening jolt

To the batsman’s oscillating crown,

And provokes in him a fearful frown.

It’s a ball he cannot hook, nor fend;

And Doctor Grace from the other end

Has to amble down the seaming wicket

To ply his craft on a field of cricket:

To wit, to examine the broken head

And certify Old Mort(y) dead.

‘I’m glad’, said Sherlock, ‘to pay the price

Of making sure he’ll never more rise.

It gives me joy to have made a dent

In all that frontal development.

I’m glad indeed to have outed this pest,

Though it ban me forever from playing a Test.’

 

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